


stuck on you (사탕)

by yeonbinist



Category: TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: M/M, Pining, idk it's messy i'm not sure if it's even understandable, like a fuckton of pining, maybe i'll continue this as a series. maybe i won't., mentions of depression, much to think abt luv x, one sided luv........ tragic x, open-ended ending, soobin is stupid, yeonjun is stupid too actually
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-20
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2020-05-15 11:20:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19294696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeonbinist/pseuds/yeonbinist
Summary: If it lasts for longer than 4 months, it’s love.Okay, disclaimer. Soobin’s not sure just how reliable a facts page on Instagram is. He’s guessing pretty much not at all. But when he reads that and his first reaction is to count just how many months he’s crushed on Yeonjun, the realisation dawns on him that there’s a good chance that Yeonjun means more to him that he thinks.Well, sure. Yeonjun’s fun and easy to talk to and is easily one of the best parts of his day and is one of the only people Soobin will take music recs from seriously despite his terrible taste in Red Velvet title tracks and-God fucking damn it.Alright, let’s review.orSoobin pines for his internet friend.





	stuck on you (사탕)

Soobin’s almost 16 when he first meets Yeonjun. He’s almost 17 when he really meets Yeonjun. That’s stupid and cheesy and seems like the tagline for every rom-com ever, but it’s the best way to describe it. They start talking more frequently and Soobin, dumbest bitch on the face of this good Earth, has a tendency to overshare, so Yeonjun hears all about his past crushes on handsome older senior boys who he knows already have boyfriends and pretty girls who flirt back but never really have it go anywhere, because Disaster Bi Soobin falls in love far too easily. (Yeonjun says it’s okay because he only ever seems to fall for the straight boys who have girlfriends anyway. He can’t call Soobin out for being a hopeless romantic when he’s got the same taste in men as James Charles.)

Within the span of maybe 8 months, Yeonjun comes to know as much about Soobin as Taehyun does. And that’s saying something, considering Taehyun is Soobin’s best friend of 7 years. Soobin thinks that somewhere along the line they’d been zapped with some sort of invention that’s had them share the same one braincell. Taehyun was the first person Soobin’d ever come out to.

(“Taehyun… I think I might be bi.” There’s hesitance riddled in his voice, nervousness evident in the way Soobin stares at the worksheet he hasn’t been able to focus on for the past 15 minutes.

“Okay. And? Am I supposed to be surprised? Aaah. Wow!” Taehyun deadpans, a expression of mock-surprise on his face as he tacks on the last part, an obvious afterthought.)

Point is, Taehyun knows everything about Soobin. Their friendship holds none of awkwardness or hesitance that seems ever-so-present in the rest of Soobin’s acquaintanceships. Somehow, Yeonjun manages to make him feel the same way around him. Yeonjun manages to somehow make Soobin feel comfortable enough that Soobin messages him on nights that his parents yell and the house shakes. Yeonjun says that he doesn’t always have the words but he can listen, but Soobin says different. Because the way that Yeonjun slips into a gentler tone and lends a shoulder to lean on somehow fills the gaps and the pieces of home that’s falling down around Soobin’s head don’t quite hit the ground anymore.

Yeonjun is home.

Which is kinda fucked up considering he’s halfway around the world in sunny Los Angeles, and Soobin’s a whole 16 hours ahead in Seoul. He has Taehyun, but Yeonjun’s different. Yeonjun understands him, and Yeonjun gives Soobin love back in return for the irreplaceable part of himself that Soobin’d unknowingly handed over.

He sees it like this. When you’re in love, be it platonic, familial, or romantic, you give someone a piece of yourself. You trust them to not drop it. Soobin’s given so many pieces of himself to people who don’t deserve it. Maybe it’s why he’s so empty sometimes. But he continues giving and giving with the hope that he’ll get pieces of others back. He has a large part of Taehyun's. He’s got shards and fragments of others and he holds them so closely to himself that he bleeds, in an attempt to fill the void in his chest.

They never sit quite right.

He tells Yeonjun about it, how he sees love. Soobin tells him about how he’s sad. If Yeonjun reads between the lines, he’ll see that it’s because he’s so devoid of self-love and chases for distractions in crushes that pay him the littlest bits of attention because good God, Soobin doesn’t think anyone will ever love him but he can try.

Soobin doesn’t tell Yeonjun about how he seems to fill the gaps despite it seeming to never go beyond anything platonic. He’s thankful enough that Yeonjun seems to know just how to cheer him up when he gets like that. Yeonjun doesn’t need Soobin’s feelings burdening him like that, because it’s enough for Soobin that he has someone like Yeonjun to him. He doesn’t need someone for him, because Soobin knows all too well that it’s a piece of himself that’s too big to give away to Yeonjun. He can’t afford that.

So he laughs, and whenever he’s happy, he shares that with Yeonjun. Those are pieces that he can and will give to Yeonjun, because Yeonjun needs them too. God knows Yeonjun goes through enough without Soobin’s problems, and whenever he has the chance, he shares those little bits of happiness with Yeonjun. Repayment, for the lightness Yeonjun brings to Soobin’s heart, though Soobin’s not sure if he’ll ever be able to pay that back.

He’s helpless, though. For when Yeonjun disappears and withdraws in on himself, it’s all Soobin can to do hold his breath and hope. 11:11s are spent on the hope that Yeonjun’ll have better days. On Yeonjun’s lifelong happiness. On Yeonjun being happy, because Soobin finds it easier to be happy when he’s happy too.

Yeonjun eventually starts to open up, too. Soobin’s patient. Tries to be. He doesn’t press too much, because he’s so scared that if he holds on too tight, Yeonjun’ll slip through his fingers and disappear like everyone else before. It starts with a few simple things about himself, and then it’s Yeonjun telling him about his worries. His fears, dreams, hopes for the future. Soobin memorises them all. Holds the ever-so-precious pieces that Yeonjun’s entrusted him with close to his heart. Soobin takes two steps forward for every step Yeonjun takes back, and stays for every step Yeonjun takes forward. Love, whether it's platonic or romantic, doesn't have to go at a certain pace. Soobin's happy being in Yeonjun's life, because he's become so irreplaceable that he doesn't know what he'll do without Yeonjun.

And so they stay like that, Soobin in a game of push-and-pull all by himself. He's okay, though. Life works in odd ways. Maybe, just maybe, one day, he'll tell Yeonjun the extent of his feelings. Maybe.

**Author's Note:**

> hewwo this is my contribution to the txt tag on ao3. pleathe leave comments........ i'm starved for human interaction. 
> 
> also, i'm on twitter at byulyeonjun uwu. thank u to the 1.3 readers who'll read this!:>


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